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A labyrinth of problems for three short lines. It begins yesterday with myself running a quick errand; the weather conditions are perfect for a walk, for experiencing the reality of summer nights, but I am on a mission. The scene which results:
• 1. a father pushes his young son, about eight, in a stroller
• 2. the son sleeps with his right hand raised up in a claw-like pose
• 3. the son is obviously physically or mentally disabled, there is no other way of saying it, his small body is wounded from some trauma
• 4. but the father tenderly, affectionally reaches out and strokes his son's dark hair the second I pass the two of them; the father's sense of responsibility and tenderness encompassing the two of them, leaving me overwhelmed with the moment

Which leads me down the labyrinth. Only three lines, and a scene, with an extended series of events, that needs to be addressed— even if I subtract sense of myself from the equation.

Do I concentrate on the father specifically? —or the son?

Do I mention the stroller as an element at all?

Is the background act of the two characters essential in this case?

How safe is it to use a fragmented view of the scene?

How much "sense" can be eliminated for the sake of seventeen syllables?

Ultimately can this concept survive as a haiku?

What results, a scrambling of lines:


plausible #1:
the father strokes back
the hair of his small wounded
boy curled as a fist.

plausible #2
a father strokes back
the hair of his small wounded
boy curled as a fist.

plausible #3
stroking his son's hair
the father pushes his small
wounded boy homeward.

plausible #4
curled in his stroller
a small wounded boy sleeps with
the father watching

plausibe #5
A small wounded boy.
The father stroking his hair
without bitterness.

plausible #6
in a red stroller
a small wounded boy sleeps
curled as a crescent

plausible #7
curled in his stroller
a small wounded boy sleeps with
the father watching.

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